Anchorage to the UK.... The End of Our Journey....

Lucy's friend Beth offered me a ride to Anchorage airport I grabbed at her kind offer saving me over an hour on having to get there by bus.

Condor airlines although flashy good looking aeroplanes only offered one film and one half hour sitcom for free. If Ryanair were running an international airline it would be this one! Access to other films with ear phones cost an additional $15.00. I'd half wished they'd charged for the food to also deter me from scoffing down some soggy pasta dish for lunch and a white bread roll with plasticy cheese for breakfast. As one of the stewardesses pushed her trolley by loaded with a 'secret' stash of croissants, I asked 'Who are they for?' I with a cheeky smile. 'Business class passengers.' she said, quickly grabbing one in the metal tongs and placing it on my tray. Nice touch! Her kindness certainly made the breakfast far more enjoyable.

We landed the following day in Frankfurt ahead of the time we departed Anchorage by 3 hours. Time travel at it's best. I needed to find a bus to take me to Frankfurt Hahn Airport two hours away. Whilst waiting an additional two hours for said transport I spotted a young girl (19 years old-ish) crying as she waited at the stand. No one bothered to speak to her so I approached and asked if she was okay and if there was anything I could do to help.... It turned out she may miss her adjoining flight due to the infrequency of buses.... I consoled her for a while explaining no amount of tears or worry would alter the situation. I suggested she to call the airline. She did. There was a later flight which she was able to change on to. Tears all done.

I arrived at Franfurt Hahn with seven hours to spare before my Ryanair flight.

A few hours later a real thirst got hold of me. Whilst I sat there wishing I had something to drink a lady walked over and spoke to me in German.... 'English, English.' I said.

'Oh sorry, I've just bought this big bottle of apple juice and my flight has been called. It's unopened but I can't take it with me, would you like it?' She said.

How very kind of her to support this homeless looking airport hobo!

I thanked her kindly then gulped down the sweet, cool juice.

At 8pm I decided to check in for my 9.35pm flight.

I was told to bring my backpack to oversized baggage, due to the tripod, camping chair and roll mat wedged in under the frame. I delivered to a chap who didn't seem overly interested in my luggage asking me leave it on the plastic chair. I did so thinking to myself I wonder will that bag make the aircraft?

At 10.45pm as I stood by the empty conveyor belt in Stanstead airport it was clear my bag hadn't made the flight..... Inconvenient, but not a big issue. I reported the situation and headed for my bus in to 'The Big Smoke' to find my friend Stuart who was kindly agreed to meet me in London town at the ungodly hours of midnight gone.

The next day Ryanair said they could have the bag to me on Tuesday, but I was leaving London on Monday. I was also unsure how many days I would be in Cornwall. This was an issue. I told them to send it to the Isle of Man knowing anything I needed could be forwarded by my folks.

I had a great Saturday night with Stu where we put the world to rights and showed more tearful emotions than either of us had expected. And on Sunday I even managed to meet up with our daughter Robyn who has a placement in London for the next couple of months. Myself, Stu, Robyn and a few of his pals watched the World Cup final in one of London's Sports Bars. It was great to be able to treat Rob to a night out, I haven't seen her in almost 6 months and although we've chatted plenty via Facebook and a couple of times via Skype I've missed talking to her in the natural form.

I grabbed the Megabus on Monday at 11.30am towards Plymouth. Megabus Gold, which cost only £10.00 from London to Plymouth a five hour journey, provided me with comfortable tables, chairs and free wifi! Nice! I worked until 3pm then rested for the remainder of the journey. At Plymouth I flapped my way around until I reached the train station. I was headed for Redruth to meet Clive another great friend. Clive, Abi and their beautiful little blue eyed daughter Willow would host me in Porthtowan for a few nights. The following evening was the Elbow gig at The Eden Project. I couldn't wait. Clive and his friend Jason would join me.

Peregrine swoops along cliff....

On Tuesday morning I walked the headland path from Porthtowan to St Agnes, a 10 mile round journey. The weather was absolutely stunning, and hot! On reaching St Agnes I enjoyed a Rattler, a local Cornish Cider, and what a fine cider it is! So much so I enjoyed another for my main course.

Porthtowan Beach and Headland.

St Agnes.... Quaint.

Cider in the Sun

Had Amanda still been here with us she would certainly have purchased the Elbow tickets as a surprise.... and even though they were far from her
favourite band she would have accompanied me to enjoy the experience of seeing me blown away by my very favourite band in the world. I so wished she was here.

Jimi Goodwin (lead singer of Doves) was the support. I love Doves, and so did Amanda having watched them on two separate occasions. At one point Jimi Goodwin played and sang a classic Doves track, I listed intently and recalled Amanda dancing around at the Delamare Forest gig back in 2010 when he played the very same track.... Seemed like yesterday, and still does as I type this post.

Then at 8.45pm Elbow came on to the stage to huge cheers, whistles and claps.

Guy Garvey the lead singer of Elbow simply blew me away. He had the crowd eating from the palm of his hand as he instructed hand waving, clapping and at one point a mini Mexican wave starting in the far corner with the flourescent vest brigade of the Eden Project staff. His silken voice wafted across the outdoor amphitheatre whilst guitars, drums and violins filled the air. An hour in to the set I mentioned to Clive they just have so many beautiful tracks written over a period of 22 years that they could literally play every wonderful track from every wonderful album and we could be here until about 2am!

Elbow.... Beautiful....

'I don't think they will perform 'Mirrorball'' I said to Clive.

Then two songs later Guy Garvey said, 'Is anyone out there standing beside the person they love?!!' I knew what was coming. The lighting changed. Sparkles of white light as if a large mirror ball was illuminating the stage flickered through the shadows. The music began. My camera battery had run out (thanks Ryanair) so Clive began recording the performance on his iPhone. I was emotionally overwhelmed by the music, Guy Garvey's words and voice.... Tears streamed down my face. It was so beautiful. I have been to many gigs over the years, but for me this was the one.

At 10pm I said to Clive, 'What's the time? I'm worried that at some point they're going to stop playing.' Clive laughed.

Elbow played a full two hour set and every track was incredible. I'll never forget that night in Cornwall. There was only one thing that could have made it better.

I suppose this is where our travels would have finished. And for me this would have been such an incredible way to finish for the time being. It would also have been a high for Amanda as Elbow played a couple of tracks she did love. She would so have enjoyed witnessing me so elated at seeing Elbow. She really would have loved that. I can see her face now. I can imagine exactly how she would have been looking at me.... I'd have hugged, held and kissed her so much.... But instead Clive got a manly hug.... I left it at that.

I will be attending a wedding this weekend, then heading to Cardiff to spend a couple of weeks with our great friends Carl & Kate-Anne. I will return to Banbury a couple of weeks later to see all my beautiful Banbury pals, resting my head at one of Amanda's oldest (not age) and best friends, Kesha, along with her wonderful partner Steve. I look forward to catching up with everyone and finding out what they've all been up to and how their lives are going. After all, you lot all know what's been going on in mine, apart from the continuing emotional stuff which I'm not willing to bore you all with.

This journey has helped me see that life does continue and the people we share our time with and make new connections with are the most important things within this life. My life currently contains no fear or anger, nor is there any place for these emotions in the future. It does contain a huge hole, and that hole will remain. I never want it filled.... As Elbow once wrote, 'I don't need the healing to start, you have gone and left a beautiful hole in my heart.... Amanda Jo Boyd'

I've witnessed and experienced an almost unrivalled generosity from complete strangers whilst on my travels. Only a small number of very close friends and family have ever shown such selfless generosity, Amanda was one of the people I saw do this time and time again. There are others I could name but I do not want to embarrass them or indeed forget to mention others who have shown such selflessness. Amanda changed me. My travels have changed me further. Yet again I have evolved for the better - I hope.....

I want to show kindness and selflessness where ever I can.

My outlook on life has changed.

What is important has changed.

It is often said that man requires something to live for. This may be a project, faith or another person to love. I hadn't realised how much I lived for Amanda. I was always aware how much she needed me, and she was happy to share this with me.... To some this may seem smothering, but I loved the fact that she was open about how much she loved and needed me.

I read something just a couple of days ago (Yes still constantly reading) that made me realise had this gone the other way and it was me who died, Amanda would now be suffering unbearably. She had told me on many occasions that if I ever died it would only be Robyn that she would remain alive for..... With this knowledge I feel I could have survived almost any situation.... This type of love helped men and women survive Auschwitz.... The hope that their loved ones were still alive, that they would still be needed. The men who felt they had something to live for lived. Only 1 in 28 people survived the camps and many were not given the opportunity for their strong will and determination to be tested.... But those who were strong enough physically and were kept alive needed to remain strong enough mentally to survive. We may be shaped by conditioning and the expectations of society, but when it comes to 'the crunch' we all make our own emotional choices. And when everything seems to be falling down around our ears we can choose to carry on going along with life's unavoidable suffering, learn how to cope emotionally and proceed onwards to whatever life has in store for us or fall apart and collapse, weighing heavily on all those who surround and love us. We have our own dignity and we determine our own emotional disposition. I am now aware of this. I have choices, we all do.... Just sometimes things are incredibly difficult. Love lost through death being one of the most painful things any of us will ever encounter emotionally, but it will happen to us all.... and however unjust it may feel, it will continue to happen. And it is at this point where we show what we are made of.

Why did Amanda fall in love with me?

Was it because I was miserable and had a tendency to suffer from huge lows verging on depression?

Was it because I suffered from uncontrollable anxiety, causing fear to quash any form of adventure?

No of course not. Amanda loved me for the opposite.... I would like to continue being the person Amanda loved, otherwise I am only disrespecting her memory. I want to constantly improve through self observation, awareness and sharing with others.... These are my intentions. I can't fill the void, and like I've already said, I don't want to. But I can build around it, and that's what I intend to do. Amanda will always live on a pedestal in my heart and mind. This is where she will continue to live.

Being able to share stories of my wonderful wife with the many people I met on the road has helped me. Some (even after a few days of being around me) would ask, 'So where is Amanda? Did she not travel with you?' This was of course my fault as I have a tendency to speak about her so presently.... and no doubt I will continue to do so. But that's okay with me.

Thanks to all those who have followed me on this journey. Thank you for all the love and kindness both Amanda and I were lucky enough to experience over our time together, and thank you for the same since Amanda's passing. This journey has been a tough one, and will continue to be so, but I now know what to expect and how to cope with it when it happens. Life has unavoidable suffering. We are not all guaranteed long, healthy prosperous lives and many of us are expectant of.... So what do we do? I suggest we live in the present absent of the fears generated by the anticipatory anxiety of the future and the worries of how others base their judgement's of us on our past. The past has gone and the future is yet to be decided. We can only ever be in the now. Nothing was every achieved in the past or the future. It was achieved exactly when it happened. And that was 'the now'. Life is to be lived, shared and enjoyed.

I wish you all good health and some one to share your loves and lives with.

Love to you all.

Mark.